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Fuck you, Larry King.

For interrupting Tippi Hedren when she was making a point about wild Killer Whales.

And fuck you, Jack Hanna.

Watching you mock, demean, and derail Ric O'Barry, and turn your back on the plight of captive Killer Whales, was nauseating.

Hanna works with animals in captivity all over the world. He certainly knows about the controversy surrounding a Killer Whale named Lolita, star attraction at the Miami Seaquarium, in Biscayne Bay, Florida, her tiny, illegal tank, and the struggle to return her to the wild. His callow attempts to undermine the impassioned activist working on her behalf were a shocking and brutal betrayal, not only of the whales under discussion, but of every person who has watched him over the years, and regarded him as an animal advocate, and educator.


Hanna's case for captivity...

* That people couldn't love Killer Whales without seeing one in person. To which Tippi had a good reply: that children love dinosaurs, and they can't, and don't need to see a living dinosaur to love one.

* That "Over 12 million people visited Sea World parks last year, and over 90% of those folks said that it was the most incredible experience of their lives," which proves that no animal rights are being violated.

* That the natural habitat of these whales is too far for most people to travel in order to share the experience, and become educated about whales.


In that vein...

Should the Louvre become a franchise and move half its collection to Abu Dhabi?

When the world learned that French Culture Minister Renaud Donnedieu de Vabres had signed a 30-year agreement with Sheik Sultan bin Tahnoon Al Nahyan to borrow the Louvre's name and hundreds of its artworks, people were outraged.

Aren't our wild Killer Whale populations more precious than a collection of art? Not to mention, these are families we're splitting up, not canvases. When an argument suggests strongly that we turn a blind eye to some suspected injustice for "the greater good" of mankind (in this case, public education), we're in deeper waters than you'd expect over an accident at a theme park.

I don't need to touch a Picasso to know why it's special.

And part of what makes something like that so valuable, to the individual, is the effort given to learning about it, and the fact that seeing one in person does usually require a pilgrimage of sorts. It's not an experience you can purchase at the mall, like a t-shirt, and it shouldn't be.

And neither should we diminish the experience of viewing a live Killer Whale.

Certainly not at the expense of that whale's mental, emotional, and physical health. Even if there were no question of abuse, the implication that we, as a society, cannot effectively teach children about the natural world without the aid of a theme park, is horribly insulting.

Let's stop pretending that this is about education.

If Sea World really were educating the public about these animals, people would come away knowing what a horror show they'd witnessed.

It's obviously in Sea World's best interest to report that these whales--these free-ranging, sonic creatures, as O'Barry put it--are better off in Sea World's concrete boxes, performing twice a day, every day, for loud, obnoxious crowds, to loud, obnoxious music.

What else do you expect they'd say?


Bottom line...

As long as Sea World is profiting off these animals, they shouldn't get a seat on the jury.

In nearly every interview about the attack, I've heard someone claim that trainer Dawn Brancheau would want the show to go on, and that we should remember her "legacy," not her death.

The question of whether these whales should remain in captivity effected Dawn Brancheau on a personal level; she wouldn't have had a job if they were returned to the wild. It isn't fair to say what she would, or would not have wanted, as she could not have been an impartial judge.

And she wouldn't have a public legacy to speak of if the whale she trained hadn't killed her.

View Larry King Live / Whales kept for abusement?

View Larry King Live / Barker: Whales belong in sea.

View Larry King Live / Whale trainer laid to rest. Why is it always a bad joke on a plate, of the "tee hee" variety?

Innovative and original cuisine, going by Anthony Bourdain's standards, appears to be a menu consisting of...

1. foam

2. cotton candy

3. chips

4. spheres

5. something (not an egg) made to look like an egg

6. something made with liquid nitrogen

It's like there's some list that needs ticking off when creating "modern!" "daring!" fearless!" "bold!" "cutting-edge!" cuisine.

You could call it "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly," replacing "Good" with that thing pretending to be the opposite of what it tastes like--a flavor "from your childhood--tee hee!" Hey assholes, Cadbury wants their Egg back.

You know what?

If I want Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans for dinner, I'll go knock on Jeffrey Jones's door. And if I want something that tastes like cherry pie, pot roast, or mango ice cream, I'll have cherry pie, pot roast, or mango ice cream.

To an extent, I get it. It's fun, it's weird, it's entertaining... but is it worth all the fuss?

And is it really all that innovative...

I haven't tried any of this (don't have the bucks for this bullshit) but to me, it just looks like... well, spheres, foam, and cotton candy, made to taste like fish, fruit, and stinky cheese.

How many times are you gonna' let the jack-in-the-box finish in your mouth before, "Wow! This gelatinous goo tastes like anchovies!" becomes, "Well, that was interesting."

In the words of Violet Beauregarde, "By gum, it's gum."

Every Wonka Wannabe will tell you it's a three-course meal, but it's still just gum.

Watch Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, in Spain and Brittany. I'm on the fence about this remake... maybe even more than I was about Avatar.

I'm afraid that director Louis Leterrier, and his star, Sam Worthington (who has so far proven himself to be a "likeable" actor at best), may spell good, but not "great" things for this highly anticipated reboot of a Ray Harryhausen classic.

Leterrier hasn't helmed that many films, and I have to say, I'm lukewarm about what I've seen.

Incredible Hulk (2008) had a lot of problems.

But I'm not sure it's fair to attribute them all to director Leterrier, seeing as there was a Tom Cruise-like iron fisting in the form or Edward Norton going on during the production of that film. (Norton has made claims that he himself re-tooled the original Zak Penn script for Incredible Hulk, claims similar to ones he made back in 2002, regarding the script for then-girlfriend Salma Hayek's doomed biopic, Frida; the two split shortly after.)

The only time a film was improved rather than choked lifeless by an egocentric actor with too much influence (that I can recall) might be in the case of Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula (1992). The actor in question, Gary Oldman. Though Oldman has never been an actor with "pull" (financial or otherwise), he can be relentless to a fault in his pursuit of his vision for a character; a trait which nearly drove Coppola to violence.

I know that the lackluster Incredible Hulk was not all Leterrier's doing, but I also have to acknowledge that it's the best and most recent example of his work as a director, and if any of that is a preview of things to come, it's a jarring one.

On the other hand, I also know that at one point the Titan's script passed through Laurence Kasdan's hands (a very good sign) and I'll be the first to admit that the non-Edward Norton-starring Transporter movies (2002/2005) are fun and fresh, and do just what they set out to do; that is, they aren't very deep, but I like the story and characters, and wasn't bored.

Also working in CotT's favor...

The cast:

Sam Worthington as Perseus
Liam Neeson as Zeus
Ralph Fiennes as Hades
Alexa Davalos as Andromeda
Izabella Miko as Athena
Mads Mikkelsen as Draco, leader of the Praetorian Guard
Jason Flemyng as Acrisius
Gemma Arterton as Io
Danny Huston as Poseidon
Tamer Hassan as Ares
Pete Postlethwaite
Polly Walker as Cassiopeia
Kaya Scodelario as Peshet

Aside from the obvious and overdone Fiennes-as-the-ultimate-villain (and the feeling that we're getting golden boy Sam Worthington crammed down our throats right, left, and center - Terminator Salvation/Avatar anyone?), this could be very good...

Or not.

"Release the Kraken!" (but not on my shoes)

Go here to see the trailer.