14-03-2008
Kitchen Confidential, his restaurant tell-all, is right there with Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa-Puffs. I recommend both books to almost everyone I meet. What I do not recommend, are his works of fiction. Not because he's a terrible writer (he's a fine writer), but because he's a terrible thinker, with a terrible imagination, and a terrible inferiority complex.
But more on that later.
I kind of always knew this, but wasn't justified until the UK episode, where we're introduced to the "original" bass ass chef, Marco Pierre White.
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| White Heat |
A legend in the culinary community, Marco Pierre White is best known for going his own way, and for being the youngest Briton, at the age of 33, to have been awarded three Michelin stars. In the UK episode, Tony credits him with being one of his major influences...
No shit.
As a photo montage of this formidable personality, world-renowned chef, pirate, playboy, artist, rock star, flashed across the screen, I found the imagery strikingly familiar:
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| White, Bourdain |
And it was easy to see who came first, and who came by it naturally. White looks as though he may not be aware there's a cigarette dangling from his lip, and wouldn't care either way.
Bourdain looks like he's using his as a prop.
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| Kitchen Confidential; The Devil in the Kitchen |
Bourdain's imitation of White reminds me of something Orson Scott Card wrote in the Introduction to the "Author's Definitive Edition" of Ender's Game, and that was that the desire to write stories that would do for others what your favorite author had done for you was "usually expressed by producing thinly veiled rewrites of the great work." He emphasized the importance of being "inspired" and "influenced" by your favorite writers, rather than adopting their unique style as your own.
But Tony never grew up, never got past that stage where you'll talk about your favorite rock band to anyone who will listen, for any reason, or for no reason, trying on costumes, trying to be someone else, because you don't yet know who you are, and you're afraid to be nobone in particular.
But Tony is someone; he does have defining characteristics.
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| Bourdain |
He likes eating, he likes drinking, he likes feeling important. He does not, however, like to cook. This is never more evident than in the most recent episode of No Reservations:
Anthony Bourdain: Into the Fire
In the first ten minutes he remarks that he's always disliked the smell of breakfast dishes: bacon, eggs, sausage.
Of course he doesn't like breakfast... he parties all night and feels lousy when he wakes up. Pavlov's dog, much?
Les Halles looks like a place where they have a recipe, and a picture of what each dish should look like, and they're making it over and over, as fast as they can, and serving it up like slop.
In other words, a high class Denny's.
As opposed to the kitchen of fellow chef and friend, Eric Ripert, who is shown tasting and critiquing dishes as they come and go in the kitchens of his own restaurant (something never seen in the mayhem going on behind the scenes at Les Halles). It's a clumsy comparison, and I don't know why Bourdain makes a point of including it, as it doesn't serve his goal of "proving" to the cunts online that he's a real chef.
Tony, with his juvenile sensibilities, possibly equates chaos with productivity.
At one point, he looks over at Eric (he's constantly looking over at Eric, from the moment he arrives at Les Halles, after having disregarded the mexican line cooks throughout day) and taunts, "Difficulty breathing, chef?" Then notices that he's coolly, calmly, assembling his dishes with little stress or discomfort.
Tony's disconcerted; he says, "I haven't seen a single freakin' plate come back," and "he actually looks happy!"
That's because he likes to cook, Tony. You like to feel important. Again, no excitement about his prowess as a lover.
Carlos, the new head chef at Les Halles, looks pissed. I would be too if Bourdain were standing over me, half whipped dog, half condescending libcunt, making such a concentrated effort at being anti-racist that his comments and behavior border on being offensively racist, basically saying: "Thank you faceless brown warrior, who I won't look in the eye."
Okay, okay. I'm being cruel. I'm sorry. I love Tony; even though at this point some of you may find that hard to believe.
As always, the staff at MJA wish him all the best.
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations airs Monday nights at 10:00PM EPT on the Travel Channel
