20-10-2009
Now it's time for something you really won't enjoy: a look back at Congo, a '90s thriller which changed nothing and launched no careers. But that's okay.
Neither did Jurassic Park, the film I'm sure caused Congo's production to be fast-tracked, though all the Jurassic Park principals immediately appeared in bombs (Citizen Ruth, In the Mouth of Madness, Hideaway, Failx3).
Congo was so similar to Jurassic Park that it could have been called "Congo: Clean up on aisle Spielberg."
Meaning that Congo would have been happy with a little of the other movie's "runoff."
An adaption of a Michael Crichton novel, the Congo story featured the threat of large scientific corporations, "square" intellectuals running from mutant beasts in steamy jungles, and the pretense of addressing big philosophical questions (it didn't)... and was released into theaters approximately two years after Jurassic Park.
The film is mostly remarkable for being the only thing Ernie Hudson has appeared in since Ghostbusters II.
Congo was a moderate success (nowhere near Jurassic Park, though) and did not deter the production of...
Sphere.
Sphere was a sincere failure, and caused the production of "Eaters of the Dead" to be retitled "The Seventh Warrior" and to be released "straight to video." In one notably pathetic scene, a group of viscous jellyfish converge on Queen Latifah's character and proceed to eat her as she futilely cries in pain.
Anyway. Congo.
Dylan Walsh plays Steve Guttenberg's character from Short Circuit (a sensitive, flannel-shirt wearing, curly mulleted, Berkeley welfare recipient). Congo caused Walsh's career to be put on hold for 10 years, until surfacing in a role in an F/X show; apparently, F/X is the oubliette of the Fox family: a place where David Bowie sends shows to be forgotten.
Tim Curry plays an Eastern European man with a funny accent.
He probably felt that he'd already studied for this part, as it was identical to the one he played in "The Hunt for Red October," and Congo would be an easy stop on his world tour, "Tim Curry: The Money Grab," which began sometime in the late '70s and is ongoing.
"The Money Grab" is as natural a reflex for Curry as the slam dunk was for a young Michael Jordan - he could release a VHS called "Tim Curry: Come Grab with Me." So Tim Curry in Congo has a strong Matryoshka quality.
As has been established, Congo launched no careers, but it definitely made Laura Linney into one of those actors many Americans think they've seen somewhere before but aren't sure where. She has, as of 2009, not advanced from this position.
Well, that's as much as I can talk about this film without getting as bummed out about my own life choices since 1995 as Dylan Walsh should be about his.
Gamemaster note: The Laura Linney card, if drawn, has all the same strengths/weaknesses as the Joan Allen card.
Learn one, learn them both.
