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| | The Road to The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor So I'm sitting here. Online. Reading, reading, reading...There's this guy who wants to fight me. He thinks I'm homosexual, and a dude. He wants to fly to where I am, meet in a public place, and fight it out like men.
I don't have to tell you that I love this.
LOVE IT
The situation aside, I enjoy meeting people I've posted with online in real life. Mostly because I don't know anyone offline, and the truth, no matter how I defend this message board culture, is that I get lonely. And bored.
So there's that. But I also think it's funny that when message board personalities meet, it's like two really retarded (Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd) spys pulling a Gene Hackman in Targret (1985). You walk into the agreed upon restaurant, look around for someone who resembles the pictures you've seen. They almost never look like the pics, by the way. Then you awkwardly embrace and wait for the Applebees server to take your order.
Real White Nights (1985) (ballet hasn't been that hardcore since the 1913 premiere of The Rite of Spring) kind of stuff.
I don't like meeting people who don't post pics.
I've had some hardcore stalkers, and the more info, the better: long-term commitment to the message board lifestyle + verifiable information distributed over a significant period of time. There've been exceptions, but not many.
ANYWAY
I've always had this fear (hope) that Quentin Tarantino would show up on my doorstep wanting to "throw down" because of some stuff I wrote about him a couple years ago...
But an alcoholic hedge fund manager from Rhode Island is just as well (almost the same thing).
Chrysler_LeBaron: Did you forget to snap the elastic band on your wrist?
throwawayaccount: laugh it up...your day is coming
Chrysler_LeBaron: Okay.
throwawayaccount: you and that Valbog fucker are probably the same dude. the way you word things is too similar
Chrysler_LeBaron: Only one way to find out.
throwawayaccount: sorry, bell bottom, I'm not a fag
Don't think I'll go on AIM again for awhile. I feel like Paul Hogan in Crocodile Dundee (1986), where Mick says: "Oh yeah, I've seen TV before." Then he turns on the tv in the NYC hotel suite, and it's I Love Lucy (1951), and he says: "Yeah, that's what I saw."
Speaking of weirdly attractive actresses (Linda Kozlowski) what happened to Lauren Holly?
She was really "on" in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993). I guess it doesn't pay to go on Conan and talk about your dog's masterbatory habits.
And what the fuck, Rob Coen?
The fights in Dragon were EPIC.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) looks like a shitfest by comparison. I'd rather watch Jason Statham's meal ticket/Joan Allen's swan song Death Race (2008) than see Brendan Fraser in another pair of knickerbockers and boots that lace up to the knee.*
I also don't need to see "Jason Scott Lee" wannabe, Jet Li, in another wooden performance that smells like FAIL.
Not to mention, no one, and I mean NO ONE, in their right mind should want to be Jason Scott Lee, who slipped into a sand trap of obscurity and slowly sunk, probably with the help of many illicit drugs, and the Kurt Russell film Soldier (1998), which featured a coterie of pointless actors, including Gary Busey, Jason Isaacs, Connie Nielsen, and Michael Chiklis (for anything you could want to cast any one of them in, there are many other, BETTER, choices).
The "Mummy 3" is, in all honesty, "The Money-Grab: Tomb of Jet Li's Credibility" since he boldly declared several years ago that he planned on retiring from action films and becoming a "serious" actor. I don't know who told him he could act, let alone with any "serious" range, but they were very cruel to do so.
*I'm not being entirely truthful about my opinion on Brendan Fraser's career path.
I'm perfectly fine with seeing him in period costume, fighting dinosaurs and Yetis, film after film; I enjoy the low-budget special effects of Dr. Who, 2005 to present, as much as the next nerd, and the Mummy franchise is totally in that cardboard box of Mystery Science Theater VHS tapes.
My real ire lies with the direction of Rob Coen, and the absence of Stephen Sommers, despite that I still enjoy Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story and can't stomach even one sitting of Van Helsing (2004).
Can we do a swap?
Not a wife swap, but like a cool Say you, say me kind of "cold war" exchange.
I can't believe Lionel Richie just snuck into my thought process. - Just As Sweet |
| similar stories | What the fuck is a Rihanna?
JOHN WOO EPIC RED CLIFF IN PRODUCTION (PICS)
Stephen Sommers dumps Mummy 3 on Rob Cohen
Chris Klein is back
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| tags: stephen sommers, brendan fraser, rob coen, jet li, jason statham, gary busey, gene hackman |
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