I rented "Highlander: End Game" last night

http://www.merryweatherjones.com/content/i_rented_"highlander:_end_game"_last_night Thu, 18 Nov 2004 06:00:00 GMT I rented "Highlander: End Game" last night I rented "Highlander: End Game" last night. I suppose it's right up there with "Polish Wedding" and, well... you know, I can't think of anything worse than "Polish Wedding". REASONS THIS MOVIE WAS FUNNY: No. 1 Its like people just wanted to see the two highlanders in those costumes together. The kilts. The tights. The knee breeches. Ooh la la. No. 2 There were about a ga-zillion flashbacks that had nothing to do with anything, and I swear to god, if I ever see another scene where two immortals talk about "The Prize" or "The quickening", someone's gonna lose their spleen: I will go to the movie studios and inflict poisonous recompense upon those I find there. No. 3 They even got Joe, that old booser from the series (gimpy with the silver hair) to turn a few lines. That should make someone happy. No. 4 An hour and a half into it and I still don't know what the hell's going on. Seriously. I'm sitting there thinking, "Who are all these people? What are they doing? I don't know what they're doing. Why are they doing that? Where are they?" I'm serious, I really didn't know what the plot was for more than half the movie. No. 5 They had this elaborate fight scene with a viking/biker gang in Europe, and there was this asian dude, who you knew was only there for the Jackie Chan phylon, who just pops into the scene out of no where and then promptly gets his ass killed. He had no other purpose. It blew me away. No. 6 There was a totally unnecessary, GRAPHIC sex scene towards the end. It was while watching Duncan's white fleshy body gyrating between the female lead's emaciated thighs that I realized two things: First, that this was why they'd brought the younger highlander on-board (nobody wanted to see Lambert screwing a young girl); and second, that this was why they couldn't get a recognizable actress. No. 7 I'm convinced that Lambert has a disease, I just can't decide if its cancer or AIDS. You should have seen him, all skinny and shakey, his hair falling out as the movie wore on. That's probably another reason nobody wanted to do a sex scene with him. It's too bad. No. 8 If Lambert killed all the immortals in the first movie and won the prize, how can he have known Duncan all these hundreds of years, and Duncan's still alive? Fuck, I mean, there seem to be an awful lot of old immortals hanging around--what happened? No. 9 You just know Connery wouldn't touch it with a borrowed boner. He's hoping you forgot he did the sequel. No. 10 In the final dustup, as Duncan confronts the enemy, his face not-so-subtly morphs into the sickly smirking visage of Christopher Lambert; an image that will likely haunt me to the end of my days. Fuck Fuck Fuck Danni Puff http://www.merryweatherjones.com/content/i_rented_"highlander:_end_game"_last_night http://www.merryweatherjones.com/viewcomments.php?articleid=1